Tuesday, 27 September 2016

This just in: “Bernie” has escaped

“Bernie,” of “Tuesdays With Bernie” fame, was last seen leaving the cozy confines of his home for 3 to 5 years and headed west. And while most fugitives who find themselves “freshly sprung” would be described as “at large,” we know exactly where Bernie is headed and when he’ll get there: Bernie is headed for the 15th Annual Compliance and Ethics Institute in Chicago, September 25 – 28.

“Oh! He must be headed to Chicago to try to convert otherwise well-meaning compliance and ethics proponents and recruit them into his army of evil,” he might be saying.

You would not be completely wrong.

You see, Bernie or, more accurately, his producers, have escaped their humble prison home and headed to Chicago to do some converting and recruiting. But they’re more interested in convincing otherwise well-meaning compliance and ethics proponents away from traditional boring training programs to try a program that relies on a device many in compliance thought off limits.

The sitcom!

That’s right. Bernie wants to teach you and your team about bribery and corruption awareness through the miracle of the sitcom. So instead of the never-ending PowerPoint presentation, we prefer to hold an ever-so-slightly skewed mirror up to the common workplace, using recognizable character types and situations to make a point and an impression.

“Sounds unorthodox!” you might be saying. “Is Bernie armed and dangerous?”

Then we would respond, “Yes, he is armed – with information and hilarity!”

You would of course roll your eyes, but then you’d play along since we’re obviously not going anywhere and you’d say, “What should I do if I see this Bernie? Run off and contact the authorities?”

And then we’d drop the ruse and say (spoiler alert), “He’s not really a criminal. He’s just a character in this compliance training program that’s really funny. In fact, we want you to approach us, introduce yourself, and tell us about some of the issues you’re having in creating an office culture where compliance and ethics are almost second nature. Where bribery and corruption awareness are encouraged and, dare we say, not viewed as the dull and dry obligations they are today.”

Look, we don’t get out much. In fact, this is Bernie’s first time out in the real world. We’d love to show you what we’ve got, how it works, and why compliance and ethics training should matter to you. It’ll be the most pleasant, professional, and focused conversation you will ever have a crook.

Now, if you’ll excuse us, Bernie’s flight leaves soon and we still have to bake a cake with a file in it. In the meantime, you should plan to meet us at the 15th Annual Compliance and Ethics Institute in Chicago. Not going? Perhaps you should. It could save you some trouble in the long run.

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